sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
