You smell like stripper and shame
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
