She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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