I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
