dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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