Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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