First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
