Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
