I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
