Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
