you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
