the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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