I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
