I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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