This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize