When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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