mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
