but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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