Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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