My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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