You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
