You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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