just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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