There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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