if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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