the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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