are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
