Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
