I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
