I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
