Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
