I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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