I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
