dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
