I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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