Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
