Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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