So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
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Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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