so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
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