That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
