I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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