I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
