..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
