P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
