..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
