I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
