Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
