When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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