I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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