like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
