dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Green mimosas i think yes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
