it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
