The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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