You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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