I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
