Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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