he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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