Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
