What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
