You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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