You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you had me at cake vodka
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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