You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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