**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
