Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
