that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
