I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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