I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
meet me or not, i'm out of control
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
