Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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