she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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