I am spending my child support on dildos
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
