He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
