Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
